You had me at 'Choice Plus Network'

I love Insurance. Insurance is the greatest thing since movable type. I would marry Insurance, but that's only legal in Connecticut. Instead, I hook up with it every chance I get.

Car Insurance? Of course! Rental Insurance? I do! Health Insurance? Bet your ass!

And it doesn't stop there. I'm pretty enthusiastic about warranties and accidental-anything policies, too.

Purchasing a Wii - extend the warranty. Buying a car - get Gap. New iPhone - oh, nevermind. Bastards.

Back in California, I was able to sign Mike up as a domestic partner and get excellent, fairly-affordable healthcare for him through my work.

(You had to get a domestic partnership affidavit notarized for such a thing. I really confused the guy at Mailboxes, Etc. The look on his face said, "Hey, Crazy-Heterosexual-White-Woman, you could just make an honest man out of him." What came out of his mouth was, "Sign here. $29.95. No checks.")

And, until this year, we never met our deductible. Not once. Since 2001.

A couple of weeks ago, I received a letter from my healthcare provider. I opened the envelope and confetti burst forth, balloons rose in the air, trumpets sounded and an enthusiastic voice boomed,

"Congratulations!

You've not only met your deductible, but you've also hit the Out-of-Pocket, In-Network maximum! And you're thisclose to the Out-of-Network double whammy! Well done! $2,000 more, and you can go to ANY doctor, ANYwhere, for FREE!

Even if you choose to stay In-Network, your medical care for the next 6 months is ON US! Got a tickle in your throat; come on in! A wart on your foot; gross, but no problem! A leak in your breast implant; sorry, that's not covered, but you should get it looked at anyway!

Hurry to our directory and schedule some appointments today.
'Cause you're not getting any younger!

Restrictions apply, see coverage levels and regulations for further details."